In yesterday’s article, I shared what I found to be a core factor in limiting the individual’s ability to create hope. As explained in yesterday’s article, this factor is used to control and manipulate the individual to comply to contain the denial repressing or suppressing pain. The core factor, shame coupled with reprisal inhibits or stymies the individual from individuating and discourages anything that creates a threat to the system and the denial.
Once the individual reaches an age where they move away from the nuclear or family unit, similar compliance strategies are seen deployed by society. In the process, familiar strategies are used to control and manipulate the individual. Unknowingly, the individual marches rank and file as a collective as their “voice” is droned out by the fear of being abandoned (rejected) ostracized, ridiculed, alienated and isolated by the “collective” system.
Such compliant conditioning (my term) with repercussions can be seen in school, church, employment setting as well as in support groups, organizations and institutions. Such compliant conditioning can be overt or covert in nature, with the similar outcome — Bullying.
In April of 2013 I wrote a 3 part series in which I elaborate upon what I shared above. Below are links to the article series. If you find yourself being bullied, I would encourage you to read the series. I have also created a 3 part video series of the 3 part article.
Is the Group that You are In Hurting You — Are you being Bullied? Part 1
Is the Group that You are In Hurting You? — Are you being Bullied? Part 2
Is the Group that You are In Hurting You? — Are you being Bullied? Part 3
To watch and listen to the video presentation of the 3 Part article, you may do so by clicking on the following links:
Is the Group that You are In Hurting You? — Are you being Bullied? Video Presentation Part 1
Is the Group that You are In Hurting You? — Are you being Bullied? Part 2 Video Presentation
Is the Group that You are In Hurting You? — Are you being Bullied? Part 3 Video Presentation
Through being aware of when I was / am being bullied by a group — be it a support group, a church group, a civic or any other kind of group — I am able to make better choices.
Choices that are good for me. Choices that will empower my life.
When I am being bullied by a group, for whatever reason; I need to remember that I am not what the group or the individual may be communicating to me. I do not deserve to be bullied or abused, as bullies may want me to believe. When I am being bullied, I need to remember that bullying is not about me. Bullying is about someone trying to control and manipulate me to fulfill or accomplish their set agenda or intention.
Through understanding how and when a group or individual is bullying me, I need to remember that my identity is not what the bully may want me to believe about myself. My identity is not tied to the group or the individual who may be bullying me. I do not have to fear reprisal. Although a bully may not want me to believe that I have the power, I have the power to define my life.
“Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself.” Harvey Fierstein
We can replace the notion that we are failures, that bullies may want us to believe; by learning how to use our gifts, talents and abilities in ways that work for us. We can replace the identity — given to us by a bully — with the identity that we create for ourselves. We can stop being bullied by learning to trust our judgement, instead of deferring to the judgment of a group or an individual.
We can replace the identity, that a bully may want us to maintain, with how we choose to live our lives. We can stop being bullied by deciding to run our own race, not the race that some one else wants us to run. We can stop being bullied by staying committed to the vision and mission that we have for our lives.
We can stop being bullied by living our lives to the full, in our mind, body and spirit.
“Insist on yourself, never imitate. Your own gift you can present with the cumulative force of a whole lives cultivation; but of the adopted talent of another you only have an extemporaneous half-possession. Do that which is assigned to you and you can not hope too much or dare too much.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
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