In today’s article I would like to share an awareness that I had that may be helpful to you. Several days ago, during and after a phone conversation I found myself agitated at the person. The morning after the phone call, I wrote them a letter and was preparing to mail that letter later in the day to tell them what they needed to do to avert my fear and anxiety in the future. But as the day moved on, I had an uneasy feeling about mailing the letter.
In response to my uneasiness, I took the letter out of the sealed and stamped envelope and re-read what I had written to the individual. As I read the letter, I realized that I was reacting out of my own fear and anxiety. With my awareness, I realized that the fear and anxiety that I was experiencing was my responsibility and not the other person’s responsibility – who I was set to make responsible and blame for my fear and anxiety in my letter.
With my awareness, I realized that sending the letter would not resolve my feeling fearful and anxious, but would only perpetuate my fear and anxiety. Nothing would be resolved. I subsequently decided to tear up the letter and throw it away. I am glad that I made the decision to own my fear and anxiety, as it prevented a rift from developing between the other person and myself. By owning my reaction, I was able to find and maintain peace.
“Anxiety is the hand maiden of creativity.” T. S. Eliot
The above awareness reminded me that as I take responsibility for my fear and anxiety — instead of shifting the blame for my fear and anxiety — I find freedom from my fear and anxiety. By owning responsibility for my fear and anxiety, I give myself the ability to be empowered by the trigger, that set off my fear and anxiety; and by the fear and anxiety that I experienced through my interaction with the individual.
Through owning, examining and by making the decision to keep the focus on myself; I was able to deactivate the trigger, so that I could begin to manage my fear and anxiety.
Through owning, examining and deactivating the trigger, by owning the responsibility for my fear and anxiety; I was able to stop feeling victimized by my fear and anxiety.
Through owning the responsibility for my trigger, fear and anxiety, I was able to prevent a rift from forming in the relationship and in the process maintain peace in my relationship.
In the event that you find yourself agitated by someone, take a step back. Examine why you are feeling agitated by them. Examine the trigger that brought about your agitation.
By doing so you may find that you will be able to deactivate the trigger and take away the power of your agitation, fear and anxiety. In the process, you will stop feeling victimized.
By taking responsibility for your trigger, fear and anxiety you will prevent a rift from forming in your relationship. By taking responsibility, you will maintain peace in your relationship.
“Peace cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding.” Albert Einstein
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