The Illusion of Resentment — Am I Lying to Myself?

 

One of the most disparaging things we can do to ourselves is to hang onto and nurture resentments. Resentments give the illusion of control and power. That some how being resentful, angry and bitter is going to help, save or even protect us. But the illusion of resentment in reality serves to distracts us from realizing that resentment, anger and bitterness only serve to eat away at us like a cancer, stealing life; like a thief in the night,.

“Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” Carrie Fisher

“Bitterness and resentment only hurt one person, and it’s not the person we’re resenting – it’s us.” Alana Stewart

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of harming another; you end up getting burned.” Author unknown

Although wounds may be minimized and even disregarded, like an infection that goes untreated, will lead to further complications. Resentments effectively work to  block emotional, spiritual and physical energy. Resentment serves to distract. Resentment,  in their wake; bring about destruction. Resentments, like lava; smolder beneath the surface; oozing out at unpredictable and unexpected times adversely — impacting lives and relationships.

But there is good news. I have found that resentments can be checked and resolved through a process. The process involves being honest with myself, taking the time to examine who I am resentful at, the cause of my resentment, how the resentment impacts my — self-esteem, personal relationships, finances, material goods, security, ambitions and my emotional well-being — and what part my motives played in the formation of my resentments.

Examining and resolving my resentments empower my ability to forgive both myself and other people. Examining and resolving resentments help me to stop fighting against myself. Examining and resolving resentments help me to stop lying to myself.  Examining and resolving resentments free the internal energy that I used to lie to  myself. Examining and resolving resentments empower my ability to take effective action to  create hope in my life.

“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes… but no plans.” Peter Drucker

 As you have questions, please send those questions to me. All questions are good questions and all questions are welcomed. You have my permission to share the articles that I present here on Create a Spark of Hope, however please attribute me as being the author of the article (s) and provide a link back to the article (s) on Create a Spark of Hope. Thank you. Copyright 2015

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Empowering Relationships through Detachment

In the process of living, social dynamics are inevitable. When two individuals interact, challenges can ensue. These challenges often arise when expectations become apparent as a friendship or relationship develops. These expectations may be connected to a fear of either losing something they have or not getting something they want out of the relationship. Fear can then motivate each person to try and control the other person through manipulation. Manipulation may occur because one or both parties believes that control will result in the fulfillment of their expectations.

Although control and manipulation may temporarily force a solution, the long-term consequence of such a dynamic undermine and weaken the relationship.

In the event that these expectations are not satisfied, resentments may become an insidious factor in the relationship. If these resentments are not addressed, a power struggle may become an integral part of the relationship — as each person jockeys to have their expectations met. Passive-aggressive behaviors may then be used to side step being controlled or manipulated. The foundation of the relationship may begin to crack under the weight of such resentments and behavior. Consequently, apart from one or both parties using the principle of detachment, the relationship may eventually break and crumble.

Through being personally accountable and responsible for one’s expectation (s) and subsequent resentment (s), the relationship provides an environment where each person can learn about themselves. Self-discovery, self-reflection, self-realization and self-exploration then replace control and manipulation. As control and manipulation are replaced, with self-awareness and self-acceptance; a new setting is established where the individual and the relationship can be empowered. A setting that allows the individual to explore and give of themselves,  through a place of self-awareness, acceptance and respect.

Through growing in self-knowledge, awareness and self-respect, I then am able to give and show compassion to both myself and other people. As I show compassion, to both myself and other people, I am able to practice detachment. As I practice detachment, through compassion; I am able to give and receive with out expectation. As I give and receive with out expectation, I am free to learn from the relationship. My mind then remains open, instead of closed. As my mind remains open, to learn from and through the relationship; the relationship is empowered by mutual self-awareness, knowledge, acceptance and respect.

As each person with in the relationship remains accountable and responsible for themselves, empowering one another with in the relationship become a way of life.

As you have questions, please send those questions to me. All questions are good questions and all questions are welcomed. You have my permission to share the articles that I present here on Create a Spark of Hope, however please attribute me as being the author of the article (s) and provide a link back to the article (s) on Create a Spark of Hope. Thank you. Copyright 2015.

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Recovery and Hope

As I have lived my life I have come to realize that life is about a process and a journey, not a destination. I like and find helpful visual metaphors. One such visual metaphor is a jigsaw puzzle that is laid out on a large table to be put together one piece at a time. Separately, each puzzle piece makes little sense to the scheme of the completed puzzle, but once each piece is put into place, more becomes obvious. So it is with life. Life is made up of many puzzle pieces that do not become clear until the time is right. Once the time is right, both the puzzle piece and the space is revealed to be set and put in place. Individually, each puzzle piece makes little sense, but when the time is right, make perfect sense.

Understanding the metaphor of the jigsaw puzzle can help the individual in their process of recovery. What I mean by recovery is examining and working through matters that get in the way that create stress in my life. Stress that distracts me and keeps me focused on other people and what they should or should not be doing so that I can be happy and content. What I mean by recovery is learning how to identify stressors and how those stressors impact my ability to have a healthy relationship with both myself  and other people. Recovery for me is learning how to face, address and overcome various stressors that impede my ability to experience hope, empowerment and freedom in my life.

Through becoming aware — through a recovery process of self-discovery, self-reflection, self-realization and self-exploration — I am able to grow in awareness, acceptance and action. As I grow in my recovery process through self-discovery, self-reflection, self-realization and self-exploration, I grow in my ability to have functional and healthy relationship with both myself and with other people. Through growing in awareness, acceptance and action through self-discovery, self-reflection, self-realization and self-exploration I grow in my creative capacity to be of service to other people in functional ways. As I grow in my recovery process through self-discovery, self-reflection, self-realization and self-explorations, I grow in my capacity to create and share hope in and through my life.

Through my recovery process of self-discovery, Self-reflection, self-realization and self-exploration I discovered that to have a functional relationship with myself and other people I needed to have a  healthy relationship with hope, before I could begin to open, move through the door of hope, confront my denial, recognize factors that distract, realize how the drama was impacting my life, begin to own my reality, grasp that I no longer had to give my power away, keep from falling back into a victim role, breaking free from isolation and the benefit of having healthy boundaries. I would invite you to click on each of the highlighted links to find out what I discovered that helped and continues to help me in my recovery process. As questions arise, please send them to me. Thank you.

Make Peace with Your Past, so that Your Past Does Not Spoil Your Present

As you have questions, please send those questions to me. All questions are good questions and all questions are welcomed. You have my permission to share the articles that I present here on Create a Spark of Hope, however please attribute me as being the author of the article (s) and provide a link back to the article (s) on Create a Spark of Hope. Thank you. Copyright 2015.

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